Sheogorath's Hypnotic Havoc
by MissFrederick
Summary: With his new hypnotic powers, Sheogorath goes forth to wreak havoc on the poor citizens of Cyrodiil. Rated T for harsh language. I was not taking this fanfic seriously at all.


It was just a regular morning in the beautiful realm of the Shivering Isles. The isles' lord, Sheogorath, also known as the Daedric Prince of Madness, was sitting on his throne, bored. Sheogorath was completely bored; even repeatedly summoning Haskill wasn't curing his boredom. He needed something else to do, something that he wasn't already bored with. He got up from his throne just as Haskill reappeared at the end of the room.  
"I'm going to read something today, Haskill; I'm getting bored with summoning you repeatedly. It usually always cheers me up." Sheogorath said. Haskill was glad of that although he didn't show it.  
"As you wish, my liege," Haskill replied, "I'll be just here."  
"I know, Haskill," Sheogorath chuckled, patting Haskill's balding head "I know you will be," he then hummed a little tune to himself before heading into a corridor towards the secret room where he kept his books.

As Sheogorath passed through the fake wall, he was surrounded by piles of dusty books. He would really have to have Haskill clean them up sometime. Sheogorath randomly grabbed one book from the bottom of the pile just to watch the books fall onto the floor. When the cloud of dust finally dissipated, Sheogorath scanned the pile and picked up an entirely different book, blowing onto it. He found himself grinning at the title.  
"Hypnotism for Beginners: Control just about anybody…" Sheogorath read aloud. He found his grin growing larger as he started reading. This was going to be fun.

A few hours later, Haskill wondered what was taking Sheogorath so long. Sheogorath never read books for more than half an hour at a time. He walked through the fake wall to see Sheogorath sitting cross-legged reading a thick book. He noticed that Sheogorath was almost at the end of the book. He watched as Sheogorath flipped through the last pages and smiled as he tucked the book under his arm while he stood up.  
"I've never known you to finish a book in its entirety, my Lord," Haskill commented.

"I've found a book that I actually found interesting, that's why," Sheogorath said with a mischievous smile, "I'll be starting a book fire when I get back,"  
"Where are you going, Sir?" Haskill asked.  
"Why, to have some fun with my new powers, of course," Sheogorath roared, "I'll be starting with Thadon and Syl, then I'll make my way to Cyrodiil and have some fun there."

"Are you sure that's such a good idea, my Liege?" Haskill asked, "I mean the residents of Cyrodiil might not take too kindly to your presence because of…last time…"  
"Oh, but they will when I unleash my amazing new powers on them," Sheogorath laughed before leaving the room. Haskill managed to get a glimpse of the title of the book. Hypnotism? Haskill was dreading the outcome of this. He knew that he would have to let Sheogorath run his course before he decided to come back to the Isles.

Syl and Thadon leaned against each other, put into a trance by the spell that Sheogorath had unleashed on the two of them in his throne room. Sheogorath was trying not to giggle; this was amazing.  
"Thadon, when you wake up, you will be a snow man and Syl will be completely made of fire. You will melt if you stay too close to her and must get as far away from her as possible. Syl, when you will wake up, you will be completely in love with Thadon, and you must chase him down no matter how much he runs away from you," Sheogorath snapped his fingers and watched as they both woke up.  
"I told you it wouldn't work, Lord," Syl said, "I mean…" she stopped when she looked at Thadon and a look of pure infatuation entered her eyes, "Oh Thadon…" Sheogorath struggled to hold in his laughter when Thadon screamed when he looked at Syl and ran out of the place.  
"Oh, Thadon, come back! I love you!" Syl called as she gave chase to the frightened Thadon. Sheogorath waited until they were gone before collapsing into peals of laughter.  
"It really works!" He exclaimed with glee. He looked over at the Golden Saint and the Dark Seducer who stood guard on either side of his throne. They both looked back at him, keeping their faces neutral despite what they had just seen. Despite the book providing him with a pocket watch and a spiral disc, he decided he would use the spell on them as well. They both fell over asleep as the spell hit them both.  
"You are a Dark Seducer, you absolutely despite the Golden Saints," Sheogorath said to the Golden Saint before turning to the Dark Seducer "You are a Golden Saint and you absolutely loathe the Dark Seducers," he instructed, snapping his fingers. He watched as they both got up and glared at each other. He couldn't wait for them to confuse the other guards of the Isles by insisting that they were the opposite of what they actually were.

"I think it's time to head to Cyrodiil and have a bit of fun with its people," Sheogorath said to himself with a laugh.

In Fort Farragut, Lucien Lachance was making a new batch of poisoned apples. Vicente Valtieri was sitting on a chair nearby, he had been injured while on the way to the Fort and had to stay while the sun was out.  
"No need to worry yourself, Vicente," Lucien said, "Mraaj-Dar knows to come up here for his poisoned apples although it was kind of you to come up to collect them for him."  
"I kind of let my guard down to be honest, Lucien," Vicente replied, looking at his bandaged leg, "I underestimated how nasty the bears around here can get. I always feel kind of sorry for Mraaj-Dar when he's being chastised by Ocheeva for his bad attitude."

They were suddenly startled by a loud bang and Sheogorath appearing along with it, giving them both a smirk.  
"It's Sheogorath!" Vicente yelped as he jumped off the chair despite pain shooting into his leg, alarmed by the Daedric Prince's sudden arrival.  
"Kill him!" Lucien shouted, taking a claymore off the table, "If he lives, it'll be just like last time he came here!" Vicente just nodded in agreement and took his own claymore off his back as they both stood poised, waiting for Sheogorath to make a move. They watched as Sheogorath pulled out a pocket watch and started to swing it in front of the both of them.

"Just watch the beautiful pocket watch as shines and ticks in front of your eyes," Sheogorath said with a smile, "You may find yourselves falling asleep. Don't worry, you can fall asleep because you'll just remain standing, now go to sleep, both of you," he watched as Vicente and Lucien both fell asleep, dropping their claymores.  
"Now, you two will obey what I say to you both, anything I say is truth, anything I want you to do, you will do," Sheogorath said, "Lucien, you are incredibly ticklish, in fact, you are a hundred times more ticklish than you usually are, now sit on that chair and you'll find yourself unable to move at all. But that's okay because you don't want to move…because being tickled is what you enjoy the most. Vicente, you have an infatuation with tickling peoples' feet, as soon as I wake you up, you will remove Lucien's shoes and tickle his feet like there's no tomorrow," Sheogorath snapped his fingers and watched as Vicente walked over to the motionless Lucien who had also woken up. He looked nervous as Vicente removed the leather shoes he usually wore. Vicente just smiled up at him and began to run his fingers along the soles of Lucien's pale feet. Lucien couldn't stop himself from laughing.  
"No, Vicente," he begged between his laughter, "Stop!" before being rendered unable to speak at all as he sat there laughing. Vicente just continued to tickle Lucien's feet with a smile; he was enjoying this, just as Lucien was enjoying the tickling. Sheogorath was once again struggling to hold in his laughter as he continued to watch the two assassins.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Sheogorath heard the yell behind him. He turned around to see the Khajiit mage standing there with a mix of shock and disgust on his face. "What are you doing, Vicente?" Vicente didn't respond, he was enjoying tickling Lucien too much to pay attention to Mraaj-Dar. Mraaj-Dar finally saw Sheogorath and backed away, startled.  
"By Sithis, not you again! I guess I'll have to take care of you myself because we don't want an incident like last time you came to Cyrodiil," he growled as he aimed a spell at Sheogorath. He didn't get a chance to fire it because Sheogorath hit him with his own spell first. Mraaj-Dar stood, entranced by the spell, awaiting Sheogorath's instruction.  
"You're just a sweet little kitten," Sheogorath said soothingly, "A kitten who absolutely loves yarn," he took out a ball of yarn just as he snapped his fingers. An excited look crept into Mraaj-Dar's eyes as he looked at the yarn. Sheogorath smiled and gave it to the Khajiit. The Khajiit let out a loud mew of delight before batting the yarn around the room. Sheogorath smiled at his three hypnotised victims.  
"Enjoy yourselves," he said to the three men, "Let's see who else I can have some fun with," he said before leaving Fort Farragut.

In the city of Chorrol, Modryn Oreyn had started to head home for a lunch break at the Fighter's Guild Hall. He had to admit, he had been pushed to train as much as he could that morning.  
"I'm getting too old for this," he muttered to himself as he wiped some sweat from his brow. "I should really think about my retirement…" he accidentally bumped into someone who turned to look at him.  
"Oh, I'm sorry," Modryn said as he looked upwards. He then gasped when he realised who he was talking to, knowing he would need back up, "Oh not you, I still haven't fully recovered from last time. Gua…" he was interrupted as Sheogorath put a strong hand over his mouth and dragged him behind his own house. Sheogorath felt Modryn struggle in his grasp.  
"Awww, don't be scared," Sheogorath said gently, "This isn't going to be anything like last time I came here," he could tell that Modryn didn't believe him for the struggling became more desperate. Keeping a hand firmly on Modryn's mouth so he couldn't call for back up, Sheogorath used the other to take the pocket watch out of the pocket of his suit and dangle it loosely in front of Modryn's eyes. As he swung it, he felt the struggling subside as Modryn became enthralled by the watch as it swung back and forth.  
"Just relax and obey, Modryn," Sheogorath said gently. He felt Modryn just nod and let go of him, walking to the front of him as he stood, waiting for further instruction from his lord. "That's it. Now, when I snap my fingers, Modryn, you will feel the urge…no…the need to hug anybody who sneezes. You will also have no memory of seeing me," Sheogorath snapped his fingers before dashing off, knowing that a cold epidemic had recently struck the Fighters Guild and giggling at the thought of the grouchy dark elf randomly hugging anyone.

Skingrad was the next town that had the pleasure of Sheogorath visiting it. He prowled through the streets, looking for 'fresh game' as an Argonian would put it. Speaking of Argonians, he noticed a young female Argonian, clad in Elven Amour, leaving Rosethorn Hall. He cringed when she started to crack her fingers and limbs; it was a massive pet peeve of his when people cracked their limbs on purpose. For him, it was the most disgusting sound in the world, the sound of Syl forcing herself to vomit because of her fear of being poisoned and the sound of the wild sex Thadon often had with Wide-Eye didn't compare. He would have to do something about that. He tapped the woman's shoulder and she turned around, fixing him with a look of disdain.  
"Oh crap, not you! You're not going to do what you did last time, are you? It took months for my dad to stop muttering your name in crazed terror," she groaned. Sheogorath didn't say anything. He took the spiral disc out of his pocket and spun it in the front of the young lady's face. She just stared at it.  
"Wha…what is this…" she trailed off, staring helplessly at the spiral before falling into silence as her eyes glazed over.  
"What's your name?" Sheogorath asked her.  
"Rachel Bloss," the woman replied distantly.  
"Well, Rachel," Sheogorath said, "Cracking your limbs is a disgusting habit, so when you awaken, every time you crack your limbs, your body will feel a slight shock that will force you to do a back flip." Sheogorath snapped his fingers and he watched as Rachel raised an eyebrow at him.  
"Seriously," Rachel said, "Whatever you plan to do here, just don't involve me in any way." She started to walk off. Sheogorath watched as she pulled on one of her fingers. He didn't hear the crack but he laughed as he heard her let out a yelp of alarm as she suddenly back flipped, landing on her bottom. He watched as she pulled herself up and gave Sheogorath a curious look before quickly hurrying away from him. As he continued to walk through the streets, he noticed a Bosmer nervously looking at him.  
"I think I'm being followed and watched," the Bosmer whispered, "Could you help me? I'm called Glarthir. I'll pay you handsomely." Sheogorath just span the spiral in front of Glarthir's face, just as he had done with the Argonian woman. He watched as Glarthir's eyes slowly glazed over.  
"Now, Glarthir, you are delusional, you're not being watched or followed at all," Sheogorath said.  
"I'm not being watched at all," Glarthir nodded in agreement.  
"However, you want to be watched," Sheogorath said with a smile, "In fact, you're going to take your clothes off and go running nude through the streets right now," Sheogorath snapped his fingers and watched as Glarthir removed his clothes, one garment at a time, before running through the streets with cries of "Look at me!" and "Watch me!" Sheogorath laughed to himself when he saw the town guards pursue Glarthir before deciding that he was going to a different city to see who else he could find and have fun with.

The Imperial City was Sheogorath's next destination. The Imperial guards stood in the barracks, entranced as Sheogorath had unleashed his new spell on them. They all stood, waiting for instruction.  
"Whenever you heard the word 'Barnyard,' you will become chickens as soon as you hear it for 3 hours," Sheogorath said, he quickly snapped his fingers and left before the guards realised he had cast something on them. As soon as he stepped out of the barracks, he saw Hieronymus Lex standing there.  
"You!" Lex could only exclaim before Sheogorath spun the spiral disc in front of Lex's face, captivating him instantly. He whispered something into his ear before stepping back. Any observers would have made out the phrases 'tomorrow morning,' and 'looks like a…'  
"I was never here," Sheogorath said, snapping his fingers and making himself invisible. Lex just shook his head as if to clear it before he shrugged his shoulders and continued to patrol.

Between the city itself and the Arcane University, Sheogorath noticed a Khajiit male in a blue robe and hood. The Khajiit was speaking to Raminus Polus.  
"Who wants to see Maiq naked?" the Khajiit said, "Sick, sick people, very sad," he added with a nod.  
"Have you ever considered joining the Mages Guild, Maiq?" Raminus asked, "Apprentices would find your…knowledge, for want of a better term, very interesting."  
"No, Maiq drifts, Maiq works and travels alone," Maiq said, "Maiq gains knowledge much easier that way…" As Sheogorath came into full view again, they both jumped away from him startled.  
"No, it can't be!" Raminus yelped as he looked at Sheogorath, "Sheogorath's returned!"  
"Maiq does not want!" Maiq squealed, "Maiq does not want at all!" Sheogorath just let out a laugh as he wrapped an arm around the both of them.  
"Oh come on, I'm only here to have a laugh," Sheogorath said, gently patting them on their shoulders. "Come on, laugh with me," he smiled as Maiq and Polus forced unnatural laughter out of themselves. He then span his fingers into a spiral shape as the shapes formed real spirals that Maiq and Polus found themselves looking into.

"Now fall asleep for me," he added and smiled as he felt Maiq and Polus go limp in each of his arms before giving them their amusing instructions.  
"Maiq, you've developed a little crush on Raminus Polus, when you speak to him, every sentence you make has to include a compliment for him," he turned to Polus, "Raminus, everyone around you is absolutely naked. No matter where you look everybody you see is absolutely nude as the day they were born." He snapped his fingers and watched as Maiq looked at Raminus with a smile.  
"Raminus, Maiq thinks you look very lovely today," Maiq said. Raminus responded by looking very shocked.  
"You're naked and you're giving me compliments! Are you coming onto me?" Raminus asked, horrified, "Put some clothes on or put on some pants at least!" he added, running off. Sheogorath burst out laughing at Maiq's confused face and he also laughed at Raminus as he seemed to be having a breakdown at seeing innocent bystanders seemingly without clothes.  
"Everyone's gone mad…they're all naked…" Raminus muttered.  
"Actually, they're not naked, it's you that's naked, Raminus," Sheogorath said, snapping his fingers. He giggled again as Raminus let out a yelp.

"Don't look at me!" Raminus screamed much to the confusion as the bystanders as he covered up his crotch before running into the Arcane University.

Night was starting to fall as Sheogorath swung his pocket watch in front of the young Bosmer's face, he smiled as he watched as his eyes glazed over and he visibly relaxed.  
"What's your name, I never asked," Sheogorath asked the young Bosmer.

"Well, I'm just known as the Arena Grand Champion's Adoring Fan," the Bosmer answered distantly with a smile, "How I love The Crimson Blade so much with her strong legs, her shapely tail, and her silver sword…"  
"Okay, enough of that," Sheogorath said, "I'm actually a very kind man, and because I'm a very kind man, I'm going to give you a name that everyone can refer to you as,"  
"Really?" the Bosmer asked, "You'd do that for me, not even The Crimson Blade did that for me…"  
"Yes, I will give you a name," Sheogorath said, stopping himself snickering, "Your new name that you will use from now on is going to be Princess Dainty Cakes,"  
"Princess Dainty Cakes…" the Bosmer repeated, smiling.  
"Now go and introduce yourself to everyone with your new name," Sheogorath said snapping his fingers. He watched as the Bosmer walked up to a female Redguard sparring with an Argonian and said "Hello, friends, I am Princess Dainty Cakes, I love my name." As the Redguard and the Argonian stopped sparring to start laughing at the Bosmer, Sheogorath found himself laughing as well. He turned around to leave the city.

"I finally found you, my Lord," the Breton's voice said, Sheogorath turned around to see Haskill panting a little as he stood there. "I think we better take the hypnotic effects off everyone and head back to the Isles,"  
"No problem, Haskill," Sheogorath said, clapping his hands three times in order to reverse the effects he had cast on his victims (well, most of them anyway,) "When the citizens wake up in the morning, they'll think this day was just an ordinary day for them, although I couldn't resist giving that Guard Captain a post-hypnotic suggestion that will lead to hilarity tomorrow morning," he added as he walked with Haskill.  
"By the way, Haskill, I was thinking about getting a dog…"  
"Wuff!" Haskill exclaimed, "What the…?" he muttered.  
"I said, Haskill, I was thinking of getting a dog…"  
"Wuff!" Haskill exclaimed again, he looked at Sheogorath, horrified, "My lord, did you…"  
"I most certainly did, Haskill," Sheogorath interrupted "When you came in to me reading the book in fact…" Haskill sighed, he knew he felt a little strange when Sheogorath looked up from reading the book earlier, he just couldn't put his finger on it.  
"Don't worry yourself, the effects will only last until tomorrow morning," Sheogorath said, "You have my word for it. Now come on, let's go back, I was getting hungry anyway,"  
"For some cheese…" Haskill said.  
"Baa!" Sheogorath yelped "What?"  
"Sorry, my Lord, I had read that Hypnotism book a while back and thought I'd do my own trick on you before you left," Haskill nervously confessed, expecting Sheogorath to hit him. Instead, Sheogorath roared with laughter.  
"I'm rubbing off on you, Haskill," he thundered, patting the man's hand, "No, I think I fancy some walnuts tonight," he added as they walked off into the night.

The next morning, Lex finished his night shift and was glad about that. H entered the barracks and found himself cringing at the state of it.  
"Look at this mess!" he barked at the Imperial City guards who happened to be in the barracks, around thirty of them were around, "It's like a barnyard in here!" What happened next was chaos! The guards suddenly squawking like chickens, flapping their 'wings' and 'pecking' at the ground.  
"What are you all doing? Stop it now! Do you think this funny?" he demanded angrily. He was only answered by squawking and crashes as the guards rushed into walls and knocked weapons, mugs, and plates over.

"What's going on?" Lex screamed.

Rachel Bloss walked stiffly as she entered the Arena district, her back was so sore. It was as if she had been trying to backflip unsuccessfully all of yesterday. As she entered the Arena, she greeted Owyn who had been reading the paper.  
"Morning, Owyn," she said. Owyn looked up at her with a smirk.  
"We think your fan has lost it, Bloss," he said, "He's going around, insisting that everyone calls him 'Princess Dainty Cakes.' Maybe they'll cart him off to the Madhouse. The imperial guards have all had a mental breakdown as well,"  
"Bull shit," Rachel said, then she thought back, she wondered why that guard was tapping her face with his nose and clucking, "Is that they're acting like chickens?"  
"Could be," Owyn said, "Lex is really upset about it. According to him, all he said was that the barracks were a mess and they suddenly started acting like chickens, he's drinking alcohol to try and calm down,"  
"Poor guy..." Rachel said, tightening her amour.

In Fort Farragut, Lucien was exhausted, his chest and stomach hurt, the kind of hurt when you've been laughing hard and long. Vicente's arms and fingers also ached, as though he had been using them for a fine and delicate task nonstop for several hours. They were puzzled to find Mraaj-Dar, sleeping with his thumb in his mouth, tangled up in yarn. Lucien, annoyed, went to his cupboards and took the wine, beer, and mead out.  
"I'm not touching this stuff again for as long as I live," he said angrily, "I don't know what we did last night, but I'm not sure I want to know,"  
"Likewise, Lucien," Vicente said, cringing at the sight of Mraaj-Dar, "Likewise…"


End file.
